I really feel like I wanna sit down and start blogging again... Not that I have any spare time to do so hence the 11 pm post. But I am just not ready to do a post about my Dad..... for those who may not know my Dad passed away June 4 2009.  I am not able to put in words the man he was, what he meant or how deeply he will be missed by me. I feel like I should be spilling my heart out, but I am not allowing myself too. Part of me also feels like I can't post any posts till I do a Dad post. How can I tell you funny stories about day to day stuff when I haven't been able to let go of that feeling in the bottom of my gut about my Dad yet. Maybe I will feel different about posting in the next lil bit......for now I'm taking one day at a time. 

I'm sad to report that my fathers health is deteriorating and that he was put onto comfort care yesterday. The doctors said that he would just continue to have reoccurring episodes and that there was nothing they could do for him to have any kind of quality life. That the best thing for him was to make him comfortable for the last days of his life......just continue to keep him in your thoughts and prayers. 

Yesterday was my dads 85 th birthday!! Can you believe that.... imagine what he has seen in his life time what he has lived through!  I still haven't been able to get too many answers as what is going on with my dad, it being a week end and all. I have talked to him a couple of times and he knows who I am and stuff  but he does seems quite confused. I need to talk to his doctor and find out if his meds are right or if there is something new in the mix that could be causing the confusion. I want to try and get him closer to his old surroundings and closer to where his girlfriend lives. I am really hoping there will be an open bed for him in Quincy. So much has happened but hasn't if that makes any sense. I thank God for Joanie his girlfriend, she has been taking care of everything. I was a bit hurt initially that she was doing everything and felt like she was taking over and making decisions too fast. But now I can see that she has been making the right ones. I'm not sure when I'll be able to make it there..... I want to go but don't want to go now and have to go back again . I'll have to wait and talk to everyone first and find out exactly what is happening and what needs to be done and by when before I go. Plus I have Parkers operation coming up soon.  Sorry just not in the mood to write anymore..... too much on my mind.  And not sure how to express it. 

So I have some sad news to report... my sister in law Kim miscarried tonight. I wish I lived closer to just be there for her and give her a hug, help her with whatever she needs, give her some time for herself to just be. to talk, to share, to laugh, to cry. So tonight Kim, George, Grace and Ella Rose our hearts and thoughts are with you. I'm sorry you had to go through that on your own at the hospital. I know you still need to grieve.......... when we talked I know that telling Grace is weighing heavy on your mind... you will find the right way to share this with her. She understands more than you think.

Its soooooooo hard sometimes being away from people who mean alot to you... people you want to just be there for and reverse. I know I have been worried that I may have another blighted ovum... I think next week after the holiday I'm going to make an appointment to have an ultrasound done for peace of mind.

Tonight Kim my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family ..... know that you are loved and thought about... know that I understand how you are feeling, know that I am only a phone call way.... know that noone can tell you how or what you should be feeling. You will deal and cope the best way you know how and you will make it through this. I'm glad you still could laugh with me today ...( Starbucks) Not funny but FUNNY!! Love ya

Well, I just got confirmation yesturday... my sister in law Kim and her husband George are expecting a new addition to their family!!! She went for her ultrasound and there was a good little heart beat!! She was abit worried/ wondering if she was or wasn't pregnant!! We all thought for sure she was... but she had a hard time getting pregnant with her second, so she didn't want to get her hopes up too much. Dugs, mom and dad.... we'll call them Nana and Papa.. have been blessed with 7 grandbabies..... all GIRLS!!! They are dying for a lil grandbaby to have some out door plumbing!! I feel this baby will be a boy. That way it also takes some of the pressure off of Dug and me to produce a male gender. I'm so excited for Kim and the family. Their Oldest is Grace Adel, then theres Ella Rose and if its a girl again ( which it won't be) she will be named Georgia Mae.... not sure of the first names spelling it could be Jorgia....and if its a boy he'll be Charles Thomas. If Dug and have a boy he'll be Parker Thomas... Its ok if they have the cousins have the same middle name... the last names are different. Sometime around when Kim's baby comes... I wanna get pregnant again... I'd like Kali and her sibling to be close in age. They'd be about 21-23 months apart. Thats an all right age difference isn't it?? I'm hoping for a boy... but will be happy with whatever.... just hope NO TWINS!! Which do run in my family. We'd have to buy another house... and I love my house. Anyways ... back to Kim... we are so happy for her and George... they are such new age parents.... I can't wait till Kali is of age to hang out with her Aunties, Uncles and Nana and Papa for a summer!!! Well... I mean... I can WAIT... but I'm excited for her to get to see different and new things there. Funny how we want to give so much of what we didin't have and so much of the good things we did have. How do you balance it all??? I don't want her to be spoiled in a bad way!! Time will tell... I think alot of my mom Helen in me won't allow that to happen!! BIG HUGS AND KISSES TO KIM, GEORGE AND THE GIRLS!!!

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Doris the psychic...
Friday evening we had our monthly hang out with the girls nite and we decided to have a psychic come to the house and do individual readings on everyone!! It was pretty fun.. I don't really believe in it.. I've never had a " Holy Crap" reading where everything was bang on. I have to say she did pick up on some things that I could interpret the way I'd like them. NANA if you are reading this apparently by the end of the summer I'll be pregnant again. Oh, yeah and sometime in the fall I'm breaking my right leg!!
The best part of the evening was the CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!!! I was dipping everything in that sucker!!! pineapple, strawberries, pretzels (they were my fav) biscotto, my fingers, tongue...ok not the last couple but I wanted to!!
Not sure what exciting thing we'll do next month... I just love my girls nite!!

PS brought some chocolate home for Dug... he thought it was mighty tasty...Just might have to buy a chocolate fountain!! lol

I'm not a great writer like my girlfriends......but reading my friends random thoughts page... about her ted e bear got me to thinking about my child hood and things I missed....
~I miss my mother... I miss the things she did for me out of habit... things I never really paid to much attention to until she was no longer around to do it. I always received an easter lily at Easter, a poinsettia at Christmas (along with an advent calendar and golden chocolate monies) for my birthday I always got my birth flowers.... roses... mostly pink... I miss how'd she gently rub the back of my hand when noone was watching... how she'd make me an eggie in a bowl when I was sick...how she always said " I'm like a mother bear.. pitty the person who gets between me and my cub"...how she looked so fragile and weak... yet she was the strongest women I know...I miss her penmanship...the way she wrote my name as art...how she'd give my hand a little squeeze when she was thinking about me.... how she always told me she loved me.... how she always told eveyone else how wonderful I was.....how she never let me have an afterschool job because she believed my youth was worth enjoying and I had my whole life ahead of me to work... and how now I understand that!! But mostly how she believed in me and was proud of me and stood by me even when she disagreed... I LOVE YOU MOTHER and I am who I am because of you!!
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